I'm lost in my dreams, desires, and embedded fears.

I want to take a walk through the icy roads of some city, somewhere, with tall buildings, busy people, and 10,000,000 stories. I want to be dressed in a heavy jacket, not mine, but my father's; far too large, but properly warmed with love and illusionary protection. I want to see my breath in the fleeting light of a dying streetlamp on some numbered, nameless road. I want to be lost in the crowd, peaceful in my own sense of comfort, heated by both the taste and scent of a clove cigarette, the smoke curls choosing the path of least resistance into the sky which seems too narrow as it stretches past the 1,000 foot buildings into a strange state of enternity.

I want to go to a wedding. The perfect kind, without the hassles of religion past the normal traditions, and with the formality of flowing dresses and beautiful people, dressed in the easiest colors of black and white. I want to celebrate love. I want to wish the couple only the best, and hope desperately that they never know what heartbreak means.

I want to be bad. I want to drink a little too much on a Saturday night in some small town. I want to drive 100+ miles and hour to the city limits and never let them stop me. I want to press my body against his in the tepid air of an old Ford truck on some numberless, nameless road and tell quite a physical story of love.

I want to take my beautiful horse into some passionate storm and run as fast as possible, driving my body into his river of muscle, unbroken by any sort of worn leather. I want to close my eyes and melt into the power of both the sky and his rushing body, taken away from reality and pressed further into wild than ever imagined.